shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize