So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
