why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
