im having a threesome with these popsicles
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
