Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.