I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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