Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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