Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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