if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
