The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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