i don't like sucking hair
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
