the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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