So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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