Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
