Barsexuality is the new black.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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