No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
