Tell her she can't have a vagina
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
