Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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