OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
