Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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