areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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