we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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