The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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