so explain again why im purple
no
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
