i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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