I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
