why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
