Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
