why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
