my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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