He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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