dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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