No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
