I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
