Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
