so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
