oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
