i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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