So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
