I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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