STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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