i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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