The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
