First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
