Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize