guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
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Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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