My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is the high leading the old right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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