My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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