Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
