It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
