ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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