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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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