I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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