Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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