my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
