She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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