Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
