He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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