well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
