He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
