i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
