How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
