i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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